Sunday, October 23, 2005

The ABC’s of Choosing a Suitable Partner Online

Do you want to know the truth about any online Hotty?  Follow these three steps and you will!
Wouldn’t you love to correspond with only online prospects that met your requirements?  Think that’s impossible to do before you meet them? It’s not impossible! You can choose suitable dates before you meet them.  By following these three steps you’ll be able to read a prospect’s profile and read between the lines.  You’ll be able to get a reading on how they measure up on qualities that are important to you and qualities that are absolutely deal breakers.

Here’s what you need to do.
A.  Know What You Want
-You need to figure out exactly what you want out of a partner.  I am always amazed to discover how many of my clients don’t know what they want.  What are the three absolute must haves for your potential mate

It’s usually best to choose internal qualities versus external qualities.  For example, “slim” is an external quality—it can come or go depending on physical mobility, hormones, medications etc.  “Fitness oriented” is an internal and therefore immutable quality.  Regardless of the circumstances, this person will strive to be fit.  Another example is affluent which depends upon circumstances such as the stock market, or the job market, or other possible slings and arrows.  Industrious, on the other hand, is an internal immutable quality.  Here’s a list of some positive qualities (it is by no means exhaustive):

    1. Honest

    2. Transparent

    3. Generous

    4. Compassionate

    5. Expressive

    6. Intelligent

    7. Courageous

    8. Creative

    9. Loyal

    10. Faithful

    11. Industrious

    12. Frugal

    13. Adventurous

    14. Determined

    15. Easy going

    16. Good sense of humor

    17. Integritous

    18. Secure

  1. Now come up with three deal breakers.  You can turn any of the above into a deal breaker by making it the negative, e.g., unfaithful, no integrity, lazy (as opposed to industrious), spendthrift, unimaginative, Here’s a non-exhaustive list of negative qualities, or qualities that may make it hard to be with someone…

    1. Addicted

    2. Self-absorbed

    3. Lazy

    4. Selfish

    5. Angry

    6. Non-expressive

    7. Rigid

    8. Controlling

    9. Insecure

    10. Immoral

    11. Unfaithful

    12. Opportunistic

    13. Jealous

    14. Explosive

    15. Weak

    16. Fearful

    17. Uncaring

    18. Rude

    19. Withholding

B.    Find (Intuit) the Qualities You’ve Identified.
Go online and browse through random profiles.  The randomness is VERY important because it’s easier to build up your intuition muscle when you’re not attached to the outcome.  Capisce? 

1.    Find some one with a MUST HAVE quality.  Read as many profiles as you need to until you find at least one that says integrity to you (an example of a ‘must have’).  You do not have to be the least bit attracted to this person!  You just have to be able to read the profile and have it resonate integrity through and through.  Try rating it on a scale of 1 – 10.  (It should probably be up there at 8.5 and above to qualify as an “I have this quality”.  If this is difficult for you, go to my website, to get some more tips!  Or ask a friend to help you.

2.  Find someone with one of your MUST NOT HAVE qualities.  This could be harder because prospects do not describe in detail their bad points!  None-the-less, it is possible.  Just keep reading until you come to someone’s profile who says Unreliable between the lines.

Start Rating Those Prospects!
 Now comes the fun part.  Go to an appealing prospect.  Take each of the three qualities and rate this person on each of these qualities.  Just try and use your intuition (you have it, you just may have to learn how to access it). For example, let’s say that you wanted your prospective partner to be integritous, industrious, and faithful.  Just put a number (1 -10) next to each one.  The key in doing this exercise is to NOT THINK TOO hard about it.  This is also a really good time to get someone else’s feedback (once again you can go to my website and take advantage of a great collaborative offer!) or call a friend.

You may not be able to get a reading on every quality in every prospect. This can happen for a variety of reasons:
·      The online dating service’s questions don’t allow for full expression.
·      The quality in question is not hugely important to the prospect.
·      The prospect is ambivalent about the quality in question (i.e., knows it’s important to be faithful, but is too scared to commit to just one person).
·      Some people are less transparent than others. 

Dr. Lauren Outland, renowned personal coach, has been quoted in
Redbook, First for Women, and Fitness magazines. As an expert in
spiritual and personal growth, she has written articles for The
Jewish Journal, and the Palisadean Post. Lauren has a unique
ability to find the obstacles that hold people back from
realizing whatever they long for, and the resources to get free
of these obstacles. Lauren is passionate about helping you find a
satisfying and luscious relationship. She is committed to your
empowerment and specializes in giving you the tools to help you
solve problems and thrive. Visit her online at 

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